I smell stomach acid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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