I heard we made out
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
