I think I am morally bankrupt
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
