dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
