dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
