It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
