I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
