Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just had sex bonerless
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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