what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
