your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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