Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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