Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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