i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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