guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
