Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
