Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
