Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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