I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
