its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
