you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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