This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
