I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
