were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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