Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
