I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
