I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
