I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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