did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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