I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
