3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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