I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
