Midget sex pt 2 tonight
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are we still banned from the library?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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