Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
