This is not my ceiling
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
