I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
