roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
