i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
