a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
