I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
