In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
