A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
