Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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