I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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