I hate your face
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
