I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
