Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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