What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
