i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
