I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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