My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
